Lord of the WrinkliesScene 9 - Preparing for battle at Massey FlatCurtain opens
Brave Billy (cuddling Betty) Bonny Betty, my love, I’m only 17, but I must go and join in this battle with the older men. I have a feeling I may not survive the day’s fighting. Be brave. Bonny Betty Oh my darling Billy Boldheart, one day more, and you could be gone forever!
Wottonwood One day more and my beautiful Sigurny will be gone forever, vanished
Garry Ddman One day more and we’ll be able to plant carrots in our paddocks again.
(Singing, from Les Miserables. The overlapping parts for this will be learnt on a computer with a Sibelius Scorch music score. The sung note over the word to sing goes red and you hear it played)
Wottenwood I did not live until today.
Garry Dman One day more.
Signy & Wtwd Tomorrow you'll be worlds away
Bonny Betty B One more day all on my own. Signy & Wtwd Will we ever meet again? Bonny Betty B One more day with him not near me. Signy & Wtwd I was born to be with you. Bonny Betty B What a life we might have known. Signy & Wtwd And I swear I will be true! Bonny Betty B Now I’ll lose him in this war! Garry Dman One more day before the storm! Wottenwood Do I follow where she goes? Garry Dman At the carrot fields of freedom. Wottenwood Shall I join the growers there? Garry Dman When our ranks begin to form Wottenwood Do I stay; or do I dare? Garry Dman Will you take your place with me? Everybody The time is now, the day is here! Garry Dman One day more!
Awry & Zen One more day to revolution,
Garry Dman One day moooore!
Dotcn & Hump Watch 'em run amuck, Women One day to a new beginning Men Raise the flag of freedom high! (Wave flag with an orange carrot on it) Women Every man will be a king Men Every man will be a king Women There's a new world for the winning Men There's a new world to be won Everybody Do you hear the people sing? Wottenwood My place is here, I fight with you! Garry Dman One day more! Signy & Wtwd I did not live until today. Bold Billy B One more day all on my own! Signy & Wtwd How can I live when we are parted? Awry & Zen One more day to revolution,
Garry Dman One day moooooooooooore! Signy & Wtwd Tomorrow you'll be worlds away Bold Billy B What a life I might have known! Signy & Wtwd And yet with you my world has started Awry & Zen One more day to revolution Dotcn & Hump Watch 'em run amok Garry Dman Tomorrow we'll be far away,
Everybody Tomorrow we'll discover
(The next five lines delivered very urgently, on top of each other)
Ron Frew The Awry Zens know we’re coming. Sigurny They’re counter-attacking before sunrise, at first light. Garry Ddman That’s in one hour’s time. Bonny Betty Oh Billy, you’re all going to die. Madame Rue (Rushing in with long crate) Captain Sigurny, Captain Sigurny, I’ve just found some real swords. (lifts large sword from crate) I translocated them from the Waiouru Army Museum. Much more lethal than those rolled up newspapers. Teen-aged girl in audience (Rachael Frew? Waves arms for attention) Excuse me! Hoy! Peaches! Mister Kearney! Peter Jackson? (Everyone on stage stops and looks at her) Peter Jackson Yes - yes? Yes?? What’s the matter? Audience girl (Stands with arms akimbo) There’s been enough arguing and fighting in this pantomime already. (angrily) Us young people see too much of that in our own world - every day. (bursting into tears) We don’t want to see another war. Peter Jackson Look, I’m terribly sorry: I can see how you feel. But it’s in our script. See? (Holds up script to audience and points) - “a big battle with blood and guts and screams and dozens killed.” Audience girl (tearfully - gesturing with arms) But you’re so clever, Lord Peter. (cajoling) We’d really, really like you to give us peace. (in tears) And love. And harmony. And people having fun. I’m sure you could show us that. (smiling through tears) Please.
Peter Jackson (sigh) All right then… Team! …. We'll have to wing it here somehow.
Clapper Loader Pre-dawn preparations - with peace, love (sigh) and people having fun. And…. ACTION! Ron Frew The Awry Zens know we’re coming. Sigurny They’re counter-attacking before sunrise, at first light. Garry Dman That’s in one hour’s time. Bonny Betty Oh Billy, you’re all going to die. Madame Rue (Rushing in with the same large box) Captain Sigurny, Captain Sigurny, I’ve just found the missing ingredient! And now it’s working! Sigurny What? What’s working Madame Rue? What ingredient? Madame Rue (pulls large plastic water squirter from box) Our love potion. Those hippy trampers gave me a herb they called Rangataua Green. (pause for laughter) I added it to my old Love Potion Number Eight, and now it’s working! Look, I just sprayed some onto Louie Ruaumoko and the Snow Queen. Ruaumoko (both of them overacting) O Queenie, I love the beautiful curves that your snow makes on my volcanos. Snow Queen Anything for you my sweet. Every time you come near, the earth moves for me. Ruamoko Rosebud!
Snow Queen Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Sigurny (Slaps Madame Rue on back) By George, you’ve got it! By George, you’ve really got it! We must get some of our secret operatives down the hill immediately. We’ll spray Lord Awry and Lady Zen with that stuff…. See to it Number One. First Officer Shape Shifters! (Beckons. Two or more space-crew step forward ) Transform yourselves into human party goers. Now! The shape-shifters rotate 360 deg, lifting their space robes and helmets, then dropping them, and face the front again as pretty girls in party gear. First Officer Good. Here’s the sprayer full of love potion number nine… I’m tele-transporting you down to Ohakune now. May the force be with you!
Wry Zens you attacked us in a carrot war We hope your incursion soon will be no more We’re making a raid right across your battle line To work a little magic with Love Potion Number Nine Shape shifters move to centre stage, facing audience, and continue to dance to the quieter music until “champagne breakfast.”
Lord Awry Are all your men in place Colonel?
Lady Zen You’re a quite a hunk yourself, Hip Hip. (giggles, squeezes his bicept) Lord Awry What are we doing here, when we could be in each other’s arms? Lady Zen (Snuggles up to him. Seductive voice ) I have a great little playgirl’s pad back in Hokowhitu. Let’s call this whole carrot thing off right now, shall we? We could be back in my pad in no time at all. Fancy a… champagne breakfast?
Lord Awry All units! All units! Pull back to Linton Army Camp immediately.
Lady Zen Humpty Dumphries and Kid Dotcon are going to be FURIOUS! (giggles ) Lord Awry Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. Lord Awry Tonight, tonight
Lady Zen Tonight, tonight
Wottenwood (leading Sigurny forward and looking at her)
Awry, Zen, Wottenwood & Sigurny
BBB & BBB (Moving forward hand in hand, and looking at each other)
Ruaumoko & Snow Queen (forward ditto, as Ruapehu erupts again – without rocks!)
Bonny Betty B (Punch this verse out. Move forward to centre. Facing audience and raising arms to embrace them all.) (Other three women come beside her, all arm in arm) All four women But here we are
All four men Good night, good night
All of cast Tonight! (Do, So, doh harmony. Women turn back to men, embrace/kiss dramatically)
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