Lord of the Wrinklies

Plot outline            Production notes

Scene 10 - Ohakune street, near the Keg

Cyril Sun             I’m afraid you love birds are not going to have much time for those sweet dreams. The night is already over. It’s time to get out in the paddocks and start replanting our crops.

Ron Flew            But Sigurny and her P.E.T. space crew to have done so much for us Cyril. Their First Officer even teleported us all down to the Junction during that last song. We must thank them before they depart. So we’re goin’ t’throw a party for them. Right now.

Candy & Dopey  Party time! Party time! Music! Dancing! Drinks!

Dumphries          Party time? It’s all right for you lot, but I’m ruined! (He’s been sitting on a low stone wall. He tips back. Yellow stuff splatters up)

Snow Queen        (gestures to audience) OK everybody. All together now. “Humpty Dumphries sat on the wall, Humpty ….”

Dopey Dan           (Points down to the yellow mess) Yeah, Humpty seems to have eggs-ploded.

Sigurny                What a sick yoke. Now back to the party. Some of our space crew have always wanted to play a rock and roll gig here at the Junction. If you would permit them to play for you here…?

Various                 Go for it! Give us one from Alpha Centauri!

Cultural officer (Amelia Cowley?)
All right guys, here’s your chance. Get those horns going! (Sings)

When I was a young girl
I dreamed I’d cross the galaxy

Other Spacecrew (joining in singing, and dancing.)
Now that's the life for me, in Starship 293
Spirit of a sailor, circumnavigating space
The lust of a pioneer
Will acknowledge no frontier
I remember you by,
Lightning flash in the sky
At light speed if you dare
I just spent six months as an astronaut
Happy when we found this port

First Officer        (salutes) Captain Sigurny. Ma’am. That nor’wester is fading fast. We must leave at once.

Sigurny              Get them all aboard Number One. Now.

First Officer       (Speaking to the ship’s computer) Open the pod bay doors please, HAL.

HAL                     Affirmative Dave, I read you.

(Ship rocks up and down, lights flicker, hissing, whine and bump)

First Officer       All crew aboard NOW. Move, move, move!

Sigurny              (moves towards ship, then turns to Wottenwood) Farewell my love.

Wottenwood       Fare..… (Hesitates, then moves towards her)
No… I’m coming with you my beautiful darling.

HobbitSigurny    Take this Weta Workshop bucket as our farewell gift Wetaman.

Earthlings           (taking over the instruments and the singing. All arm-in-arm, sway in time)
Ruapehu mountain, rugged individual
Glisten like a pearl
At the bottom of the world
The tyranny of distance
Didn't stop the cavalier
So why should it stop you
You’ve more goals to pursue.
The Awry Zens are gone
It’s time to move on

Sigurny                (last on board, turns to wave goodbye and sings…)
We have galaxies to roam
Tales to tell when we get home (goes inside ship)

Earthlings           Another six months as an astronaut
Six months as an astronaut

This song slowsssss, and blends into
Six months as an astro Now is the hour
For me to say goodbye
Soon you’ll be flying
Across the galaxy

Space ship starts lifting off with usual CO2 bottle smoke, flashing lights etc while curtain is closing.
While you’re away
Oh please remember me
When you return
You’ll find me
Waiting here….
… as final curtain? snaps shut.

Peter Jackson has been filming from front stage, front of curtain, and suddenly starts up.

Peter Jackson      Hey! Stop that spacecraft!
Flings movie camera aside, rushes to curtain centre and yanks it back.
Those diamonds weren’t props: they're my real ones! Stop that spacecraft!
He dives through gap, curtain closes. His voice behind curtain .
And where’s my gold ring gone to?

Scene 11 - Reprise

Curtain quickly re-opens, as cast takes a bow to the music of Funiculi Funicula

Our life in Middle Earth is quite bucolic
That is so true! That is so true!
Once more we’re going to have some fun and frolic
We’re joining you! We’re joining you!
Once again we’re starting up our carrot sowing,
That’s great to hear! That’s great to hear!
But first we’re going to get a party going
Bring on the beer! Bring on the beer!

Carrots, parsnips, spuds and Brussels sprouts
Carrots, parsnips, spuds and Brussels sprouts
We sow them in, we dig them out
We sow them in, we dig them out
We’ve got veges everywhere,
We sow them in, we dig them out!

Repeat song at faster tempo

FINAL CURTAIN