Lord of the Wrinklies

Scene 8 - Awry Zen’s HQ at the Powderkeg

Lord Awry            (walks on from stage right) Thompson!

Thompson            (appearing stage left ) Yes Hip Hip?

Lord Awry            Lord Hippolyte Hibberd Awry to you Thompson. What’s this order for 100,000 native shrubs?

Thompson            Lady Amanda Zen ordered them m’ Lord.

Lord Awry            Tell the Amazon Lady I want to see her right now.

Thompson             Very good m’ Lord. (exit stage left)

Lady Zen              (enters, addresses Awry abruptly) Yes?

Lord Awry            One hundred thousand shrubs?

Lady Zen              I’m going to make those ugly old carrot fields look pretty.

Lord Awry            It will take us away over budget.

Lady Zen              (sarcastically) Hip Hip Awry! Why don’t you get Humpty Dumpty to pay for them all? He’s going to make a killing selling those green fields on to Russian billionaires.

Lord Awry            There are procedures that have to be followed, woman. You are the most difficult person I have ever had to work with.

   While this row is going on, Thomson enters with Humphrey Dumfries, coughs.

Lady Zen            And you are the most bone-headed. (to Thompson, snarling) Yes??

Thompson          Mister Humphry Dumfries and Herr Kid Dotcon to see you both on urgent business.

Lord Awry          Humpty, you’re still putting on weight I see. You’ll be the size of your German friend soon. And to what do we owe this honour of a very late night visit?

Dotcon                My MegaMoneyMaker device has just alerted me zat a group of carrot growers up at Turoa are planning to attack you zis morning, just after sunrise …

Humphries          ….helped by a ragtag mixture of spacegirls, hobbits, chefs…

Dotcon                ... ant un giant insekt!

Humphries          We thought that if we forewarned you, you would be able to put down these revolutionaries, and then you would reward us by giving us one of those old carrot farms…

Dotcon                … or vun each perhaps.

Humphries          We’ll see. Later. Away now. (Waves them away. Dumphries and Dotcon move to front-stage left . Zen flips cellphone ) Colonel? In two hours time… Yeah…

                             (Zen and Awry move to front-stage right and talk quietly on phones as spotlight goes off them and curtain opens about 3/4 of the way to show Massey Flat again.