Lord of the Wrinklies

Scene 7 - Massey Flat on the slopes of Mt Ruaphu

Midnight. Stage darkened. Music plays, a fragment of Stars Wars theme. Mothership appears and settles with smoke, flashing lights etc. Sigurny and Wottenwood step out, followed after a time by wrinkly trampers, BBBs and other Pets.

Wottenwood    Hello there! Ruaumoko? Snow Queen?

Ruaumoko and Snow Queen enter stage right, arguing .

Snow Queen        You clumsy, destructive fool!

Ruaumoko          Ungrateful old witch!

Snow Queen      Wrecker!

Ruaumoko          Iceberg!

Snow Queen      (sees visitors) Wottenwood, this musclebound giant has just destroyed my new terrain park with another one of his earthquakes.

Ruaumoko          Hah! The ungrateful old crone doesn’t realise I was just rearranging the lava vents underneath the skifield so that Middle Earth can have its own hot springs.

Snow Queen      Your hot springs will melt my snow!

Ruaumoko          My hot springs will double the number of skiers coming to Middle Earth!

Wottenwood      OK, OK! (hands/forelegs out, waving down) Guys. This is Sigurny Wifa from Alpha Centauri. She’s had 35 years experience getting rid of aliens and other evil beings from the outer extremes of our galaxy. She and her warriors are going to help get our growers back in control of their carrot fields again.

Everyone                Ad lib, general cheers. Hurray. Yeah. Drive out the Awry Zens. Carrots for ever. All for one and one for all. etc.

Sigurny              I can provide you with a ground-party of a hundred space-marines for the next few days…

First Officer        Excuse me, Captain Sigurny, Ma’am, the nor-wester that is anchoring our starship to their mountain is starting to weaken. It will hold us here for less than 12 hours.

Sigurny              Very well, we must prepare for an attack immediately. Just after dawn? That’s … four hours time?

Garry Dman        Right. All of us growers will be ready by then. Men. And women too; our Middle Earth ladies don’t take nonsense from anyone. They’re real fighters.

Scott Nation        And I’ve just tweeted the top chefs in Auckland. They’ve all armed themselves (waves meat cleaver) and are already heading south to help us. They want to be able to serve real carrots to their clients again.

Ruaumoko          There’ll be no reinforcements from the Manawatu reaching the Awry Zens either. I’m going underground tonight to shake up the roads across the Mangawekas.

   (The curtains start to close on their argument)

Snow Queen        No you won’t, you road wrecker. I’ll close the roads with a big dump of snow on those hills.

Ruaumoko            It’s too warm for snow there.

Snow Queen        Just watch me! And so on, ad lib.

Curtain closes